20: Extreme Sports With the Berenstein Bears

19: Bible Adventures

18: Kriss Kross: Make My Video

17: Bubsy 3D

16: Bad Street Brawler

15: Total Recall

14: Rapjam Volume One


12: Night Trap

11: Heroes of the Lance

10: Revolution X

9: Custer's Revenge

8: White Men Can't Jump

7: Superman 64

6: Legend of Zelda: Wand of Gamelon

5: Virtuoso

4: Captain Novolin

3: Fight For Life

2: Club Drive

1: E.T. The Extraterrestrial

Back to the NES Page
Back to Seanbaby.com

#20 Extreme Sports with the Berenstein Bears (Gameboy Color)

The control is just barely good enough to avoid ramming the little girl's head into trees, but you won't bother.
Calling this game "extreme" is like calling this game "crappy." Both of them are way too kind. The game has four events: sledding, kayaking, biking, and skateboarding. All of them contain the exact same amount of extreme-- a teddy bear slowly moving past rocks in a race to humiliate whoever gets caught playing it.

With four events, it's like four games in one, but only if you're easily tricked and profoundly stupid. The only thing that changes with each event is the background and the terrible drawing of what your bear is riding. This bullshit must have been designed for the blind, because they're the only ones who won't notice that someone just painted the snow blue and renamed it "kayaking."

Before you race, you can choose to be either be Brother or Sister Bear, but neither is more radically extreme than the other. It's just an option allowing you to go back and beat the game again, only in a dress. Of course, if you're the kind of person who would play through Extreme Sports with the Berenstein Bears twice, you'd probably have just as much fun banging your own giant head against the inside of an abandoned refrigerator, subnormal.

Graphics: 1/10
Maybe it's unreasonable to think that Berenstein Bear enthusiasts deserve a good game, but Extreme Sports with the Berenstein Bears should have come with a note from the graphic artist's doctor giving us a medical excuse for this kind of failure.

Fun: 0/10
Controlling your bear is almost impossible, the game gets tedious into the third or fourth second, and the basic concept behind it would get you shot in most countries. So no. No, this game is not fun.

Actual Extremeness: 0/10
A fucking teddy bear sliding into rocks on an uncontrollable toaster is actually less extreme than most real-life non-extreme sports. This games extremeness is somewhere between thinking about softball and nerf bingo. There's no reason to hold back on the extreme-- once you have magic talking bears rocking the slopes as a family, there's no reason to keep their speed at a realistically slow level. You've already established that this is a world of limitless possibilities, so you can have them do whatever you want. Put rockets on their kayak and have it periodically turn into a bear trap. Or better yet, invent your own new sport that would be impossible in real life like hitting a dynamite-filled dinosaur with a hockey stick. That's extreme.

NES & EGM    Kick to the Groin    Super Friends    Hostess Fruit Pies
Absoludicrous Video    Stupid Comic Ads    Classic

About the Site    Contact