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 #20 Extreme Sports with the Berenstein Bears (Gameboy Color)
With four events, it's like four games in one, but only if you're easily tricked and profoundly stupid. The only thing that changes with each event is the background and the terrible drawing of what your bear is riding. This bullshit must have been designed for the blind, because they're the only ones who won't notice that someone just painted the snow blue and renamed it "kayaking." Before you race, you can choose to be either be Brother or Sister Bear, but neither is more radically extreme than the other. It's just an option allowing you to go back and beat the game again, only in a dress. Of course, if you're the kind of person who would play through Extreme Sports with the Berenstein Bears twice, you'd probably have just as much fun banging your own giant head against the inside of an abandoned refrigerator, subnormal. Graphics: 1/10 Maybe it's unreasonable to think that Berenstein Bear enthusiasts deserve a good game, but Extreme Sports with the Berenstein Bears should have come with a note from the graphic artist's doctor giving us a medical excuse for this kind of failure. Fun: 0/10 Controlling your bear is almost impossible, the game gets tedious into the third or fourth second, and the basic concept behind it would get you shot in most countries. So no. No, this game is not fun. Actual Extremeness: 0/10 
A fucking teddy bear sliding into rocks on an uncontrollable toaster is actually less extreme than most real-life non-extreme sports. This games extremeness is somewhere between thinking about softball and nerf bingo. There's no reason to hold back on the extreme-- once you have magic talking bears rocking the slopes as a family, there's no reason to keep their speed at a realistically slow level. You've already established that this is a world of limitless possibilities, so you can have them do whatever you want. Put rockets on their kayak and have it periodically turn into a bear trap. Or better yet, invent your own new sport that would be impossible in real life like hitting a dynamite-filled dinosaur with a hockey stick. That's extreme.Next... |
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