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 #10: Revolution X (SNES) This game is biblically horrific. You're overthrowing an oppressive world order. With Aerosmith. And music is your weapon. That scream of terror you just heard was probably you.
The game has unlimited continues from the exact point you die, and it's still the most challenging game in the world. Continuing in this game is like electing to keep your hand on the stove. Maybe you're numb to the pain by now, but you're still pretty sure you're doing permanent damage. Graphics 2/10 There are only about three graphics in the game-- yellow guy, yellow guy not caring when you destroy his genitals, and yellow guy finally falling down. All three of them look a lot like you just shaved Aerosmith's back hair onto the floor of a grimy stadium urinal trough.
You'll be in some rooms shooting a steady stream of unflinching identical men for ten minutes while the same four seconds of an Aerosmith song loop infinitely. "Feed the Rage! Feed the Rage! Feed the Rage!" That's not a game. That's a Nazi psychological test to see how much it takes for a prisoner's head to pop. This fucking game is the worst second of your life repeated forever, and it will stay with you even after your panicked tears finally make your Super Nintendo short out. Good luck topping Revolution X, Satan. Basic Concept: 0/10 Say you're living in some nightmare world that requires you to send a commando out to kill the government with a CD launching machine gun. Try to make sure he has more qualifications than "big Aerosmith fan." And if for some reason THAT'S unavoidable, don't put Aerosmith in charge of the mission. Rocking isn't as handy as you might think in a military operation. What I'm really trying to say is that if you have to stretch the limits of your own astonishing stupidity as far as Revolution X to translate Aerosmith into a video game, here's a hint: maybe you just shouldn't be making a god damn game about Aerosmith at all. Next... |
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