20: Extreme Sports With the Berenstein Bears

19: Bible Adventure

18: Kriss Kross: Make My Video

17: Bubsy 3D

16: Bad Street Brawler

15: Total Recall

14: Rapjam Volume One


12: Night Trap

11: Heroes of the Lance

10: Revolution X

9: Custer's Revenge

8: White Men Can't Jump

7: Superman 64

6: Legend of Zelda: Wand of Gamelon

5: Virtuoso

4: Captain Novolin

3: Fight For Life

2: Club Drive

1: E.T. The Extraterrestrial

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#16: Bad Street Brawler (NES)

Bad Street Brawler was designed to be used with the Nintendo Power Glove, and they go well together since neither of them work. In the game, you controlled, or if you used the Power Glove, did your best to control "DUKE DAVIS, former punk rocker and the world's coolest martial arts vigilante!" It's up to you to fight your way through streets killing whatever puppies and tiny circus strongmen you run into. And right down to the banana-throwing gorillas, it's a perfect recreation of real life bad streets.

Life on the Bad Street! A miniature half-naked man swings a purse perhaps filled with emergency moustaches. And yes, that's me cowering with my head in my own diaper.

Inset: A possible near future where I somehow overcome my fear and kick him in the feet. Please remember: the feet are the furthest point from a midget's moustache. How you use this knowledge is up to you.
It's actually pretty hard to brawl your way through the streets. Your days as a punk rocker didn't do much to prepare you for a life of high action karate battles. There are girl scouts born with flippers that can punch better than DUKE DAVIS. Another muscle spasm he incorporated into his martial arts technique was falling over in a move that looked like it was trying to be a kick. The local animal control probably could have taken care of the puppy infestation on Bad Street a long time ago if they knew all they had to do was wander around in a diaper and have clumsy seizures.

Graphics: 0/10
If the amount of technology that went into making Bad Street Brawler look so terrible could be harnessed for the power of good, it could probably solve all of the world's problems, one of which is the fact that this game exists. What I'm trying to say is the graphics are unattractive to the point that you might become less attractive simply by playing it.

Fun: 1/10
Bad Street Brawler still wouldn't be fun if you controlled it with the Nintendo Power Codpiece and it vibrated every time it sucked.

Useful Advice: 2/10
The game opens with the soon-to-be-famous proverb, "Never Trouble Trouble Til Trouble Troubles You." Of course, it's pretty hypocritical since dressing up in a yellow diaper and kicking any random midget you see is just blatantly Troubling Trouble.

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