20: Extreme Sports With the Berenstein Bears

19: Bible Adventures

18: Kriss Kross: Make My Video

17: Bubsy 3D

16: Bad Street Brawler

15: Total Recall

14: Rapjam Volume One


12: Night Trap

11: Heroes of the Lance

10: Revolution X

9: Custer's Revenge

8: White Men Can't Jump

7: Superman 64

6: Legend of Zelda: Wand of Gamelon

5: Virtuoso

4: Captain Novolin

3: Fight For Life

2: Club Drive

1: E.T. The Extraterrestrial

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#17: Bubsy 3D (Playstation)

Bubsy handles like a runaway train. Once you get him going, he can't stop until well after you've hit the creature you were trying to avoid and the twenty feet of lava behind it. You'll constantly be sliding out of control past hallways you wanted, and since all of the walls are the same flat unchanging color, you may never be able to find your way back. And you should also know that the whole time this torture is going on, your fucking cat is screaming obnoxious catchphrases. If that sounds like something you'd like, then you might also like chewing on a piece of tin foil that a fat person was using as underwear, freak.

Revolutionary Graphics: I've seen hobos clean better looking things out of their belly button.
The game is fully 3D, but Bubsy can't really move any direction other than straight. Getting at an item across the room can take up to 10 minutes of walking in a line, slowly rotating, then walking in a line and slowly rotating. So unless it's an item that makes one million cheerleaders appear in your living room and start washing their cars, it's probably not worth the pain and suffering it takes to get to it.

Graphics: 2/10
Bubsy's world looks like it was built out of old milk cartons by a group of first graders from a country that had never seen milk cartons before. And did I mention that they didn't have scissors, glue, or hands and had to put them together while they were covered in bees? I should have, because this god damn game looks like ass.

What is this bullshit?
Fun: 0/10
Any mean bastard can make a boring and unplayable game, but it takes a special kind of sadist to have Bubsy come on and scream obnoxious things at you every two seconds. You can almost taste how much the Bubsy 3D makers hated the children of America.

'Tude: Off the charts!/10
Bubsy was a mascot manufactured by a team of marketers and outrageousness specialists to be as zany and full of 'tude as scientifically possible. And boy is he ever! Sometimes he's so sassy, I'm like, "You go raise the roof, Bubsy!" And then I'm all "Woomp! There he is!" because it's so true.

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