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 #14: Rapjam Volume One
The game is as bad as the idea behind it. In fact, I think Kris Kross: Make Your Own Video feels more like basketball. But the most tragic thing about Rapjam is this: they put "Volume 1" right in the title as if anyone would want to play an entire series of sports games starring people who don't know how to play them. There's "overly ambitious" and then there's "fucking retarded." Needless to say, Rapjam Volume 2: Laker Girls Frisbee Golf Explosion was never released, and the spinoff series, Fat-Free Cooking Adventures with History's Greatest Submarine Captains, Volume 1 still remains a distant dream.
Queen Latifah looks like a 130 pound Mexican boy, and Coolio looks like that boy's white girlfriend. That's especially inexcusable because how hard is it to make a graphic look like Coolio? You draw a guy and then draw a black octopus on his head. Six year olds could draw you a picture of Coolio. And Coolio, maybe becoming the star of a video game is a status symbol in your rap world, but not when you play a white girl. Fun: 1/10 If Bob Hope released a rap video from the device that keeps him from turning into the walking dead, rappers would consider it an insult to the art of rap. That's the same sense of outrage anyone who's ever played basketball, a video game, or music should feel about Rapjam, Volume 1. Feelings of Inadequacy: 8/10 We already live in a world where Coolio has a bigger pool, a faster car, and knows 22 words more than I do that rhyme with "dead policeman." Now I have to imagine a world where he can do a front flip 360 dunk over Queen Latifah? How inadequate does Coolio want me to feel? I'll get him for this. Next... |
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