20: Extreme Sports With the Berenstein Bears

19: Bible Adventure

18: Kriss Kross: Make My Video

17: Bubsy 3D

16: Bad Street Brawler

15: Total Recall

14: Rapjam Volume One

13: AIRCARS

12: Night Trap

11: Heroes of the Lance

10: Revolution X

9: Custer's Revenge

8: White Men Can't Jump

7: Superman 64

6: Legend of Zelda: Wand of Gamelon

5: Virtuoso

4: Captain Novolin

3: Fight For Life

2: Club Drive

1: E.T. The Extraterrestrial





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#14: Rapjam Volume One


One amazing feature is that you can have multiple versions of the same rapper on your team. Which means that you can finally create the fantasy basketball dream team of two Coolios and one Queen Latifah.
Oh Jesus, this one hurts. It's a game starring real-life rap stars, but not doing the things you might be interested in seeing. There's no rapping, no dancing, no booty... it's not even set in the exciting and murderous world of rap music. It's a game about basketball. That's right, in some sort of video game-making joke that went too far, you get to fantasize about being a rapper fantasizing about being a basketball player. To put it in terms you might be able to better understand, but probably pretend not to, it's like when I'm pretending to be TV's hunky Matt LeBlanc having sex with a cantaloupe which we both pretend is Lynda Carter while she's pretending to be SCUBA Wonder Woman.

The game is as bad as the idea behind it. In fact, I think Kris Kross: Make Your Own Video feels more like basketball. But the most tragic thing about Rapjam is this: they put "Volume 1" right in the title as if anyone would want to play an entire series of sports games starring people who don't know how to play them. There's "overly ambitious" and then there's "fucking retarded." Needless to say, Rapjam Volume 2: Laker Girls Frisbee Golf Explosion was never released, and the spinoff series, Fat-Free Cooking Adventures with History's Greatest Submarine Captains, Volume 1 still remains a distant dream.


DJ Jazzy Wannabe takes it to the hole on MC Delusional and Grandmaster Dumbass.
Graphics: 2/10
Queen Latifah looks like a 130 pound Mexican boy, and Coolio looks like that boy's white girlfriend. That's especially inexcusable because how hard is it to make a graphic look like Coolio? You draw a guy and then draw a black octopus on his head. Six year olds could draw you a picture of Coolio. And Coolio, maybe becoming the star of a video game is a status symbol in your rap world, but not when you play a white girl.

Fun: 1/10
If Bob Hope released a rap video from the device that keeps him from turning into the walking dead, rappers would consider it an insult to the art of rap. That's the same sense of outrage anyone who's ever played basketball, a video game, or music should feel about Rapjam, Volume 1.

Feelings of Inadequacy: 8/10
We already live in a world where Coolio has a bigger pool, a faster car, and knows 22 words more than I do that rhyme with "dead policeman." Now I have to imagine a world where he can do a front flip 360 dunk over Queen Latifah? How inadequate does Coolio want me to feel? I'll get him for this.

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