9 to 5
Directed by: Colin Higgins
Written by: Patricia Resnick, Colin Higgins, Patricia Resnick
Starring: Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Dolly Parton, Dabney Coleman
Mark: I hope they have an excuse for this choice. Maybe a prankster spiking the American Film Institute's punch with estrogen pills. Who cares anyway, 9 to 5 isn't even that funny for a chick movie.
Erik: Dolly Parton has ludicrously huge breast implants, her boss makes the mistake of looking at them, then Parton, Jane Fonda - who you may remember from the Vietnam War, where she sided with Vietnam - and Lily Tomlin kidnap him and hold him hostage in his house. They then institute a scheme to defraud their employer and redistribute the profits to their female coworkers, like three modern-day Robin Hoods. Dukes of Hazzard may feature one less modern-day Robin Hood, but it has car crashes and a whole lot less Lily Tomlin. And it won't make you feel guilty for liking boobs.
Seanbaby: Why didn't Lily Tomlin get Dolly Parton to star with her in the Incredible Shrinking Woman? It would have been such a comedic gold mine, they'd have had to make two sequels to cram in all the hilarious tiny woman/giant cleavage gags. I just thought of one: Dolly Parton enters a singing contest to earn the $2000 grand prize to save the newspaper, but gets laryngitis at the last minute! So during the contest, Lily Tomlin hides in Dolly's cleavage with a tiny microphone and sings while Dolly lip-synches. Then, at the WORST possible time, one of the mice that live in Dolly's cleavage starts attacking Lily! And that means that Dolly Parton has to try to dance and mouth along with the screams of a miniature dying woman, "Sweet merciful Jesus! The cleavage mouse's teeth-- the terror and pain are impossible to imagine!" Then, of course, they win first prize.
Directed by: Alexander Payne
Written by: Tom Perrotta, Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor
Starring: Matthew Broderick, Reese Witherspoon, Chris Klein
Seanbaby: Finally, a movie that exposes the dark underbelly of high school presidents. They're the first line of defense against the oppressive school board, and who knows how inconveniently located the coke machines might be without the strong-arm tactics of the student council?
But as useless as class presidents are, your guidance counselor, Captain Pathetic, probably told you that getting elected was a great thing to put on a resumé. Here's a secret of the real world: the only employer that cares about you being a class president wants a proven leader who can pass out the hot-dog shaped hats without dipping their balls in the nacho cheese.