She Done Him Wrong
Directed by: Lowell Sherman
Written by: Mae West, Harvey F. Thew, John Bright
Starring: Mae West, Cary Grant, assorted dead people
Seanbaby: When retarded people fail at something, you have to handle it very carefully and make sure to stay positive. That's why I'm responding to this AFI choice by saying, "Nice try, American Film Institute. It was a very good try."
Erik: Mae West movies are what passed for pornography before modern man had really figured out a good formula for pornography. This one stars Cary Grant as the hilariously named "Captain Cummings". Today's porno stars better looking chicks, has more sex, and even features better jokes. Since they like this Mae West shit so much, I imagine that if the AFI members could figure out how to work their VCRs, the list would just be Pussyman's House Party 1 - 99 and Tootsie.
Directed by: Terry Gilliam
Written by: Terry Gilliam, Michael Palin
Starring: John Cleese, Sean Connery, Shelley Duvall, Michael Palin, Ian Holm
Erik: The movie is like a clown college texbook on comedy. 1) Midgets make everything funnier. 2) You can add Sean Connery to reverse that effect. Time Bandits, starring Sean Connery and midgets, ends up being watchable, but just barely. Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure has better Napolean jokes and Penitentiary has better midgets.
Seanbaby: Situation after situation in this movie proved that if you get more than four midgets together, they can do anything. With some matching jumpsuits and a good team name, they could take over the world in a week. Nuclear weapons wouldn't even be an option. For example, if our country's Mayor went to push the nuclear missile button, he'd see that... that's not a missile button! It's one of THEM... in disguise! Don't worry, though. According to the Calculando Calrissian 2000, medical journals, and basic common sense, midgets have an insatiable hunger for the flesh of their own kind. If they were to get together for a world-taking-over meeting, it would be like a tank of hungry piranhas if piranhas liked the taste of each other. Or if you dressed them all in little meat vests.
Kthor: Today in sensitivity training, I learned that no matter how many centipedes a woman has in her vagina, it's impolite to drop a bug bomb in the front of her pants and run. And guys, I also learned that you're not supposed to call them "midgets" any more.
Seanbaby: Sorry. Tiny cannibals.
Mark: One of my guiding principles in life has always been that any movie featuring
midgets tiny cannibals, wizards, or horses is a must-see film. Time Bandits not only proves that Terry Gilliam is a truly gifted filmmaker, but that he can also read my mind.